Doug Lebda: LendingTree CEO
Insurance mogul, "longtime Republican donor," former ATV owner
Doug Lebda, CEO to one of the many internet bait-and-switch automated digital-loan comparison platforms that can feature hidden fees, unwanted calls and illegal referrals, is now paying thousands more for his life’s closing-costs than his online Death Loan Officer originally quoted.
LendingTree’s website announced October 12 that Lebda died an “unexpected death” as opposed to an expected one, which given the possibilities, could include hanging oneself after getting months of spam calls from a network of 430 loan-officer financial partners just because you filled out a dumb online form.
Lebda’s body was found on his “sprawling family estate” sprawled and pinned under his All Terrain Vehicle, which to be accurate, meant he wasn’t being “pinned” as much as acted upon by gravity to form a Lebda sandwich between 9.8 meters per second squared of force and the seemingly immovable crust of Earth, which according witnesses, is still sprawling…terrain-wise.
After emergency personnel responded to the accident they pronounced the $305 millionaire “Deadbda at the scene.”
Searchers were able to locate the body due to Lebda’s dog barking near the scenery in which the scene took place. The Polk County Sheriff’s office is currently listing the pet as a “labradoodle of interest” pending release of any accident policies he may have taken out on KillYourMaster.Com.
Investigators say Lebda purchased his riverfront ranch for $2.75 million in July, just two months before he bought the farm there.
It’s unclear if Lebda had to take out an online loan for his all terrain vehicle or the sprawling estate of terrain he and his vehicle unexpectedly collided with and became sprawled upon and pinned between.
Though details are scarce, experts speculate the collision most likely involved five variables:
all terrain
the vehicle
Lebda
some “pinning”
gravity
Authorities cautioned the public not jump to any conclusions regarding the odds of this kind of accident happening.
After all, it’s not like an expert in insurance with its assorted statistics would ever have at his fingertips real data regarding ATVs and their safety record.
Especially in a rural state like North Carolina.
I mean, what could possibly happen on one of these things while riding alone on a sprawling ranch estate?
There’s no way Lebda could’ve known something like this might occur. Especially given his spotless driving record.
It’s common knowledge accidents like these are an anomaly and impossible to predict.
It’s not like this kind of thing happens all the time, for god’s sake.
At least not every day.
Recently following a series of ATV deaths that could only be described as “predictably stupid,” the state of Maine Warden Service reminded all ATV riders to:
Always operate your ATV with full command over its direction and stability in any given situation. And that’s where the gimbaled beverage holder comes in. Because if you’re gonna die under an ATV, you might as well save your Mai Tai.
Always Ride Sober. Unless you have a gimbaled Mai Tai holder and you’re touring Pablo Escobar’s Medellin estate.
Stay On Marked Trails. But not if they’re marked with blood and bone chunks.
Always Wear A Helmet. That makes it easier to identify your remains when the rest of you is a tangled mess of spaghetti flesh and tree roots.
Speaking of stupid Maine accidents:
LendingTree’s super PAC supported Bruce Poliquin of Maine, who voted to repeal Obamacare and cut Medicaid in a state populated by senior citizens who tend to die quicker without things like Obamacare and Medicaid. Poliquin also hates ranked-choice voting. Why? Because he lost a big election where voters coincidentally decided to rank him as their last choice.
Ever since the accident, the family tree of Lebda -former CEO of LendingTree- has received a barrage of unsolicited emails, texts and calls from numerous third-party mourners. Subsequently, LendingTree advised Lebda family tree members to put their phone numbers on the National Do Not Send Thoughts and Prayers registry.
Lebda leaves behind a sprawling family estate. And an ATV that’s gonna be REAL hard to find insurance for.
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the labradoodle says the cat did it.
Nice work by the LebdaDoodle! No word on whether there was any of that "Marie Provost" action by the precious little beast, was there?